Love Runs Red

It’s a quiet fall evening and I’m watching “Benny and Joon” falling hopelessly in love with Johnny Depp.  There’s nothing that melts my heart like Johnny Depp as a Buster Keaton impersonator.  Something about the fall always puts me in a romantic mood.  All those golden warm colors and soft comfy sweaters…every fall I think, “maybe love with find me this year.” And as I patiently wait, here’s a fall romance I’d like to share with you:

It was the beginning of fall semester in Virginia.  Virginia is beautiful in the fall.  There isn’t a better word to describe it; just simply beautiful.  Everything is covered in hues of gold, red, and orange.  It’s an experience not to be missed.  Already, it’s the perfect backdrop for a love story.  

I stood in line for a free lunch one afternoon excited for some delicious tacos.  As I waited in the long line, without warning, the young man standing in front of me whipped around and asked me if we were in the same art history class.  I said yes and we made small talk till we got our tacos and went our separate ways.  I didn’t know this boy very well, but I had heard of him and I had seen him around.  He happened to be my best friend’s crush our freshman year and I would get all excited listening to her try to figure out ways she could talk to him during their piano lessons.  I would tease her incessantly, so when he turned around and talked to me I instantly thought of my friend.  She was no longer at school, but I would definitely continue to tease her about him.  I went home and made her a birthday card and drew a picture of her and Evan (as he will be named) holding hands.  I thought it was so funny and drew hearts and kissy lips all over it.  I couldn’t wait to send it to her!  

The following weekend was the big bonfire at the beginning of the semester.  I went with my giggly group of girlfriends and delighted in s’mores and grilled hot dogs. As I walked over to get more marshmallows, I saw Evan off to the side.  Wow.  He was a lot cuter than I remembered.  I tried to act like I didn’t see him.  I didn’t want him thinking I liked him or something.  Right then a marshmallow was held right up in my face and a deep voice said,

“Do you want one?” 

I knew it was Evan speaking, but because I am inherently stupid I thought he was talking to the girl next to me.  I ignored him and ran out of there quickly before I could get a good look at him.  The girl who had been standing next to me came up to me and said, “You know he was offering that marshmallow to you, right?”  I acted dumb and said, “Oh. No.”  Wow, Jana is a smart one.  I was hoping for another chance to redeem myself and actually work up the courage to go and talk to him, but the night quickly slipped away and things came to an end. 

Just as I started to walk home, Evan came running up behind me.  My heart skipped a beat as he caught my attention and said, “Do you want to join my study group next Saturday to prepare for the exam?”  

DUH.

I smiled big and said, “Yes.”  Perfect.  

The next week I sat a few seats away from Evan in class and would catch him from time to time looking at me.  I felt goose bumps every time he stole a glance.  I was pretty sure he liked me, but a twinge of guilt hung in my stomach knowing my best friend had crushed on him.  I hadn’t yet sent her the birthday card with their picture in it…so I let it sit on my desk until I figured out if something would happen between Evan and I.  

Saturday rolled along and it was my 20^th birthday.  I dared not tell him it was my birthday because I wanted so much to go to this study group and I wanted to give no reason why I shouldn’t be there.  Who studies on their birthday?!  Only for the sake of romance.  This was my chance to impress Evan and get him to ask me out.  The study group turned out to be me, Evan, and two other girls.  What was he playing at here?!  I studied the girls up and down and decided that I totally had a chance with Evan and that I was going to put my game on.  No way would he be able to resist THIS (Imagine me pointing to myself.  YEEEAAAAAH.  That’s right.)

My flirt must have worked, because the following Monday I walked out of class and came down the stairs to find Evan waiting there with his hands in his pockets and his back to me.  I slowed down and lightened my step and waited for Evan to catch sight of me.  He turned around and came right up to me. 

“Would you like to go out for lunch?”  

“YES! YES! YES!” That was what I was screaming on the inside.  On the outside I said:

“I would love to.”  I know when to control myself.

We had a lovely first date together and I was instantly smitten.

The next few days consisted in “accidentally” bumping into each other on campus, late night studies in the library, crisp fall walks, and constant eye flirtations in Art History.  I was in heaven and I could hardly wait until the next time I saw him.  Lucky for me, the campus was small.  One date led to another, and another, and then I was dancing with him at Homecoming and he was holding me oh so close.  I thought he would kiss me that night…..but he didn’t.  That came the following week….

Up to this point, we had seen a lot of each other over the last four weeks.  I was constantly happy and would smile like an idiot when there was no need to smile.  I went through all the girly-girl emotions and sickening behavior that I criticize girls for doing.  I was a complete goof.  But I didn’t care.  Evan liked me, and I liked Evan.

Late one evening, Evan called me up and asked if I wanted to take a break from studying and go for a walk with him.  I was delighted to!  I wrapped up in and a sweater and ran outside to where he was waiting for me beside some raked leaves.  We took a walk down into an old neighborhood that I loved lined with aging trees and carved pumpkins.  I often went on this walk by myself, and it was so romantic going on it with Evan.  We chatted and got real close to each other.  I knew this was going to be it.  He was going to kiss me tonight!  I got distracted talking though, and without warning, he kissed me on the cheek.  I turned to him and said, “What was that for?”  Then he instantly grabbed me and kissed me.  

OH.  And it was a KISS.  

I don’t think I had ever floated so high in my life.  When he pulled away, we started walking again and I slipped my hand into his.  I was perfectly happy.  

“Why are you holding my hand?”

PAUSE.

I turned to him dumbfounded.  He looked uncomfortable.  It became instantly colder.  I slowly removed my hand and we walked back to my house in silence.  But all the while, my head was pounding with screaming thoughts.  HE JUST KISSED ME, LIKE WHOA! AND THEN HE DOESN’T WANT TO HOLD HANDS?!?!?! WHAAAAA??????

When he walked me to my door, he kissed me again and walked away quietly.  Ok.  I was officially CONFUSED.  

I didn’t see Evan for two days.  I didn’t know what to think!  I spent the nights chatting with my roommates trying to figure out what went wrong and if I had done anything.

 

Are you confused, too?  

Oh…this gets better.

After two days, he shows up at my apartment unexpectedly and acts really skittish and weird around me, but when leaving, he kisses me again.  At this point, I didn’t want to kiss him anymore until I figured out if he actually liked me or not.  I had no idea why he was kissing me and then acting super weird around me.  You think girls are hard to read?  Try figuring this guy out.

I didn’t see Evan again for a few more days.  He wouldn’t make eye contact with me in class and he would make sure to leave before I could even catch up to him.  My heart began to ache a little and I started to feel hurt.  I hate this part in rejection:  the dull pains that won’t go away no matter what you do.  I wasn’t even interested in Evan in the first place! And then he came up to me all cute and wanting my attention, and he got it!  I caved!  He won me over and then was kicking me out.  

Finally, one day after class, I took off as fast as I could.  I was so upset and sick over Evan.  I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.  This time, though, Evan wanted to talk after class.  Great.  What would he want to say to me after a week of silence?

He walked me home as we made small talk and then he bombed me with:

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore…”

UH.  DUH.  You’ve been ignoring me for a week!  I got the picture!

“….because I’m still in love with someone else and I’m trying to get over her.”

This was a lame excuse in my opinion.  I didn’t have anything to say to him other than, “Why did you kiss me?”

“What?”

“When you kiss someone, it should mean something.  You shouldn’t have kissed me if you didn’t want to date me.”

“Oh.  Sorry.”

He then started babbling a lot and saying things like, “Her name is Jenny and she has red hair,” blah blah blah.  I DIDN’T CARE!

Then he chuckled, “Maybe if you dyed your hair red I’d date you.” 

 I was not laughing.

“Ok.  Well, goodbye.” I walked away upset and hurt.  He said a lot of other things, but those details are unnecessary.  All that really mattered was that I wasn’t Jenny and I didn’t have red hair and he made sure I knew that.  

I spent the next few weeks upset and hurt and whenever I’d see him out of the corner of my eye I’d come up with lots of horrible things to say to him in my mind.  You know how that goes.  You’re hurt and embarrassed when you’re rejected.  So, what do you do about it?  You think of lots of really mean things to say to that person.  I’ve come up with some really good mean things to say.  Lucky for me, I’m pretty good at keeping them behind my lips.  Thank goodness, too, or else I’d have a lot of enemies.  (Now you’re getting a glimpse at the inner-workings of Miss Jana Crandall.  Scary.)

Well, as things would have it, Evan made it surprisingly easy to get over him when he started cat-calling me on campus (DUMB) and sporting a handlebar mustache.  

So, my fall romance wasn’t so romantic after-all, but I get a laugh out of it now when I think about it.  Evan, Evan, Evan.  Why?  It was the perfect setting for a perfect romance!  Oh well.  I often wonder what he’s up to now.  I never heard from him again after that semester.  I once heard he moved back to Texas.  Maybe he found Jenny again and married that red-headed lass who scourged me with her fiery locks.