First Love

As I walk home from campus, I breathe in the soft smell of warming leaves.  I listen to the beat of my feet falling quickly and quietly on the cool cement.  I occasionally hear the crunch of fall under my weight.  Autumn sinks deep into my skin and memories drift up to the back of my eyes.  This time of year always seems to put me in a nostalgic mood.  I’m not sure why, but the atmosphere of the autumn season always take me back to past autumns.  The experiences I had in years previous are perfectly brought to remembrance.  I honestly think it might be the smell of leaves.  What is it about smells that trigger memories?  If I could bottle up the aroma of autumn leaves, I would.  Then I would place it neatly on a shelf and open it whenever I need a reminder of how wonderful life is.

Walking home today among golden leaves took me back to when I was fresh in high school  and experiencing the excitement of first love.  I remember clearly the feeling and emotions that accompanied my very first relationship.  I remember being perfectly happy and I remember how unaware I was of reality.  

I met David when I was 14 years old in the beginning of autumn.  He was handsome and funny and incredibly charming.  I was instantly attracted, although I behaved quite the opposite.  We became quick and fast friends.  We weren’t close, by any means, but we had classes together and we would see each other often in the hallways.  I watched him bounce from girl to girl and win over each one with his perfect smile.  I acted disinterested, but secretly wished it was me he wanted.  

Eighth grade passed by as I watched him changed girlfriends from month to month.  Then came along ninth grade and I was perfectly smitten by him again as the leaves began to fall.  As usual, he dated and charmed the fish right out of the water.  I had such a weakness for charmers (and unfortunately still do!) and watched hopelessly from a distance as my perfect boy fixed his attention elsewhere.  We were still friends and talked often.  We were perfectly placed next to each other in band class.  That’s how we got to know each other so well over the past year.  I played tenor sax, and he played trombone.  The tenor sax and the trombone are unfailingly placed next to one another in every band class.  I always knew that I had at least one hour with him every day and that made life perfect for the time being.  

In addition to band class, we had world history together.  We spent all year flirting and acting incredibly ridiculous, even though I knew he was with someone else.  What was her name?  Allison, Mary, Cassandra?  I can’t remember.  It was always someone different.  My affection was continually fixed on him, though, because I knew I could win him over with my friendship and our charmed chemistry.  

As the weather warmed up, he was single.  This was my chance.  My affections were still strong, but I was unaware if he felt the same way.  I smiled, and flirted.  I brushed my elbow against his and caught his eye while the teacher droned on.  There was only one month left of ninth grade.  I went home every day wondering if my affection would ever be returned.  

As I left world history one Friday and boarded the bus for home, I found, tucked neatly in my notebook, a piece of a paper with a drawing in blue highlighter on it.  It was a large heart with an arrow striking a stick figure boy in his backside.  Could this possibly be a clue from David?  I giggled at the thought.

The following week came and I somehow managed to spend every lunch with David.  He started flirting back and brushing his shoulder against mine.  I had him hooked and my heart fluttered every time I saw him in the hallway before classes, in class, and during lunchtime.  We would often go to a friend’s house for lunch and walk back to campus together. 

I remember wearing my favorite teal colored peasant shirt and my hair was in a ponytail.  David was wearing his pumas.  We slowed down behind our other friends so we could walk back alone one afternoon.  I suddenly became distracted by a mosquito bite on my knuckle and mentioned how itchy it was.  David grabbed my hand and said, “Let me see that!”  He patted my hand and then wove his fingers in between mine.  Goosebumps surged across my body.  David was holding my hand!  It was my very first time holding hands with a boy and I was beyond delighted.  It was the perfect end to the school year and a perfect beginning to the summer.  

The next three weeks were full of hand holding, cuddling and footsies under the desks.    We held hands in the hallways and at lunch.  He walked me to my classes and walked me to my bus.  Friends and teachers noticed our new romance and made comments about how lovely of a couple we made.  Girls were jealous and I was perfectly okay with that.  I was in a constant state of happiness.  

One problem. 

I was not allowed to date.  My parents knew David, but they did not know of our young relationship.   I had to keep it hidden and make sure that word did not get back to my parents.  Well, that’s hardly possible when you have a brother with a big mouth.  And that’s exactly what happened days before school was out.  My brother told my dad and I was in TROUBLE.  I cried my eyes out when they told me I couldn’t date David.  My heart broke a little and I dreaded telling David. 

My guilty conscience got the better of me though, and I ended it with David.  I would still catch his eye in class and I would still brush my elbow against his.  We occasionally interlocked fingers when no one was looking.  But school ended and I knew we wouldn’t see each other at all during those 8 weeks.  

Those were the longest 8 weeks of my life.  

I waited for long hot days until the trees began to golden on the tips and the breeze began to blow through again.  All summer I worried about David and fretted over him possibly losing interest in me.  

Fall came again and I was more nervous than I had ever been as I walked through the front doors of my high school.  David was nowhere to be seen.  I found myself in my group of girlfriends and watched around me impatiently for a sign of David.  Lunch time came and I found him….

David was seated comfortably between two new girls.  My stomach hit bottom and I did all that I could to keep from crying out in anger or sadness…I wasn’t sure what emotion I was experiencing.  I composed myself quickly and for the first week of school, I watched David very closely thinking of how I was going to win him back.  I had to devise a plan, and what a clever plan I did devise! 

It still fascinates me what romantic emotions can persuade people do, especially me! 

This story is most definitely to be continued….Stay tuned and watch for it coming soon!