The Infamous One-Liners in the Dating Life of Jana Crandall Part 1

    1.  “If I were a mosquito, I’d bite you.” 

    2.  “Well, you’re a man eater!”

Every now and then this crazy thing that one guy said to me that one time still replays in my mind and I often wonder how I ended up in such a prickly situation.  Of course, I’m talking about several different guys at several different times in the most awkward situations of my life.  I’m sure you know what I mean.  For example (insert guy or girl, it works both ways), you know this person likes you.  They’ve never come out and said it, but still, you know.  And you do everything possible to keep it cool, but sometimes the little buggers sneak up on you and say something completely ludicrous and you have no idea how to get yourself out of it with poise.  Those situations are so uncomfortable.  Lucky for me in my 25 years, I’ve had plenty of those.  Lovely.  Just lovely.

I’ve inserted a charming list at the beginning of this blog of such situations and the infamous one-liners that topped ‘em each off with a maraschino cherry.  Each has a somewhat delicious story behind it.  For your entertainment, I will provide the background, the incident, and how I exited each scene.  You ask, “With or without the poise?”  Well, hold onto your hats, I’m about to divulge.  

Scene 1

I was 18 and had just started at Southern Virginia University.  I had very little dating experience up until this point and adored every wisp of attention I received from the opposite sex.  Most of the boys were older, in their early 20’s.  In my silly little mind, any guy above the age of 21 was perfect to me.  I just clumped them all together as one big, golden, perfect group of maturity and class.  Oh, this is getting slightly embarrassing sharing with you the thoughts of my younger years (I’m giggling right now).  When a guy asked me out, I simply loved the attention.

 

It was an early fall evening, just before dusk, and I was out walking with a 23 year old from California whom I had met in my drawing class.  This was our third date, I believe, and I found him a little goofy, but cute in some ways.  He was quiet, nice, but didn’t show a lot of character.  As we walked, I remember thinking in my mind if I wanted to continue seeing him or if this was the end of our outings.  As we talked about something completely abstinent, mosquitoes kept biting me. Argh!  I was getting so frustrated as I continually smacked my arms.  I finally let out in exasperation, “These mosquitoes keep biting me!”  

Right then, the young man let slip out the side of his mouth, “If I were a mosquito, I’d bite you.”  

I looked at him expecting to see some kind of a sarcastic smirk.  But instead he was stone faced and serious.   He actually meant it!  He then began to let slip out awkward terms of endearment.  I, being inexperienced in the ways of gentle let downs, ignored him.  Ouch.  I made up my mind in that instance to definitely stop seeing him.  The following week when he wanted to take me out again, I said no and then proceeded to tell him that our dating had been good practice. 

Really, Jana?  That’s just mean.

By the way, the very next girl he started dating married him.

Scene 2

I was getting really good at flirting.  I don’t know where all that talent and skill went, though, because I obviously cannot flirt anymore (My flirting tragedies will be shared another time).  I had been out of a relationship for a few months and was still crazy about the guy.  But I wanted to punish him by flirting with every other guy possible in front of his gorgeous face.  This somewhat rebellious phase only lasted about a month, but still, it’s embarrassing to say that I went through it.  I had captured the attention of an older guy on the verge of graduating through my flirtatious methods.  I knew him through mutual friends and actually found him rather attractive.  He was tall with curly blonde hair and gorgeous green eyes.  He spoke French.  Oooo la la. 

One evening while in the presence of my former flame, I turned on my flirt button  and gave this French speaking,  toe headed boy all of my attention.  I laughed and giggled and twirled my hair.  Eventually, his arm ended up around me and he started speaking to me in French using lines like, “Your eyes sparkle like the stars above and your hair smells like lavender.”  Hahahaha…..oh geez.  I had the guy hooked.  He had told me the week earlier that he would never date a freshman, and yet here he was with me getting all goo-goo eyed.  We allowed our flirtations to last the entire weekend.

The poor guy definitely liked me after all my efforts and the sad thing was, I realized after three days of attempting to get this boy to be my boyfriend, I was not interested. 

French Speaking Boy wanted to take me out for hot chocolate.  I agreed and when we got to café he had forgotten his wallet.  So, we walked back to campus and went to our separate classes.  All night I had a pit in my stomach knowing that I couldn’t let this go on.  The next morning, he came to ask me out again for hot chocolate and this time I said no and told him we shouldn’t see each other anymore.  I’d never seen anyone so upset!  He stormed off in a huff and I stood there feeling very guilty for what I had done.  

The next week he sat down at my table with a group of our friends.  We were talking about a dance coming up and I made mention how I didn’t have anyone to go with yet, and right then in all his fury, French Speaking Boy gritted his teeth and spewed, “Well, maybe it’s because you’re a man eater!”  

I deserved that.

Oh, and by the way, the very next girl he started dating became his wife.

COMING SOON

    The Infamous One-Liners in the dating life of Jana Crandall Part 2 

     3. “Story of my life, Jana.  Story of my life.”

     4. “Do you like chocolate?"

     5. “Why aren’t you dating anyone?”